I'm still not back in to the blogging swing of things. To say I have been a bit preoccupied is an understatement. Three weeks ago Troy and I met with a genetic counselor who looked over the tests that we took after we received Brady's diagnosis. As we suspected, although we were told at the time that everything looked fine and we were given the green light to have more children, there was an additional test which needed to take place to determine if either of our chromosomes carries a balanced translocation.
I am horrible at the waiting game. Waiting around while those vials of blood are sitting in some scientist's office is almost more than I can bear. In the mean time, life-altering decisions wait in the balance. I go about my usual day-to-day business but the thought is ALWAYS in the back of my mind. Luckily, we only had to wait a couple of weeks this time around. Brady's series of tests in 2006 each took 6 to 8 weeks for a total of almost six months in limbo. And if you did not have the pleasure of seeing me during that time, trust me when I tell you I did not handle those 6 months gracefully.
This morning I got the call. The real, official GREEN LIGHT. Everything looked fine! Fine! Why can't I figure out how to make big, colorful letters on blogger like everyone else?
So I thought I would share the good news... even though we have no near-term plans to give Brady a sibling. My anxiety over the tests is slightly ridiculous considering we have procrastinated this process for almost two years. I don't think I was emotionally ready until now to hear the results if the outcome was not the outcome I wanted to hear.
And I need some more time to ready myself for the possibility of more children. When we met with the counselor regarding potential possibilities and tests we quickly learned that the only thing the testing options provide is knowledge and the choice of terminating a pregnancy. This is not an option for us. Religious beliefs aside, it would be as if I were telling Brady that he shouldn't be here. And nothing could be further from the truth.
So if there is a next time, a next pregnancy, we will proceed no matter what.
Last summer a good friend of mine asked me if we would have more kids and I explained to her that we hadn't completed the tests to determine if Brady's syndrome would occur in future children. She looked at me innocently and asked, "You don't want another Brady?" Her question was so naive and full of love that I felt a bit guilty and responded defensively. I sputtered on about all the potential issues. I might not have enough time to devote to TWO children's therapy appointments, hospital stays, etc. And when Troy and I get too old to care for Brady, I would go through DOUBLE the agony of figuring out who would take care of him. And blah, blah, blah. Later I played out the conversation in my mind and realized I needed to have an attitude more similar to my friend's. While these issues are legimitate, they are life. Some things are difficult to bear, but with a little patience and an open heart, you start to see the person. Not the person with the disability. Not the boy with the seizures. Just the beautiful boy. Another Brady would be just fine with me. I have officially reached that place. I just want more time to enjoy him all to myself.