Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Green Light

I'm still not back in to the blogging swing of things. To say I have been a bit preoccupied is an understatement. Three weeks ago Troy and I met with a genetic counselor who looked over the tests that we took after we received Brady's diagnosis. As we suspected, although we were told at the time that everything looked fine and we were given the green light to have more children, there was an additional test which needed to take place to determine if either of our chromosomes carries a balanced translocation.

I am horrible at the waiting game. Waiting around while those vials of blood are sitting in some scientist's office is almost more than I can bear. In the mean time, life-altering decisions wait in the balance. I go about my usual day-to-day business but the thought is ALWAYS in the back of my mind. Luckily, we only had to wait a couple of weeks this time around. Brady's series of tests in 2006 each took 6 to 8 weeks for a total of almost six months in limbo. And if you did not have the pleasure of seeing me during that time, trust me when I tell you I did not handle those 6 months gracefully.

This morning I got the call. The real, official GREEN LIGHT. Everything looked fine! Fine! Why can't I figure out how to make big, colorful letters on blogger like everyone else?

So I thought I would share the good news... even though we have no near-term plans to give Brady a sibling. My anxiety over the tests is slightly ridiculous considering we have procrastinated this process for almost two years. I don't think I was emotionally ready until now to hear the results if the outcome was not the outcome I wanted to hear.

And I need some more time to ready myself for the possibility of more children. When we met with the counselor regarding potential possibilities and tests we quickly learned that the only thing the testing options provide is knowledge and the choice of terminating a pregnancy. This is not an option for us. Religious beliefs aside, it would be as if I were telling Brady that he shouldn't be here. And nothing could be further from the truth.

So if there is a next time, a next pregnancy, we will proceed no matter what.

Last summer a good friend of mine asked me if we would have more kids and I explained to her that we hadn't completed the tests to determine if Brady's syndrome would occur in future children. She looked at me innocently and asked, "You don't want another Brady?" Her question was so naive and full of love that I felt a bit guilty and responded defensively. I sputtered on about all the potential issues. I might not have enough time to devote to TWO children's therapy appointments, hospital stays, etc. And when Troy and I get too old to care for Brady, I would go through DOUBLE the agony of figuring out who would take care of him. And blah, blah, blah. Later I played out the conversation in my mind and realized I needed to have an attitude more similar to my friend's. While these issues are legimitate, they are life. Some things are difficult to bear, but with a little patience and an open heart, you start to see the person. Not the person with the disability. Not the boy with the seizures. Just the beautiful boy. Another Brady would be just fine with me. I have officially reached that place. I just want more time to enjoy him all to myself.

17 comments:

Lindsay said...

I can't even begin to explain how I needed to hear this today from another parent who knows what it is like to have a child with special needs. Although Gavin is no longer here to demand our attention - I have often been terrified at the possibility that this new little boy may have the same genetic condition as Gavin. Thank you for helping me see more clearly. These are beautiful little boys who bring so much happiness into our worlds. :)

Treguboff Family said...

Congratulations on your good news. When I was pregnant with Zane we made the decision not to have any more children. I'm kind of sad in the fact that maybe we made that decision a little to hasty. I would like another child even though Zane is a handful to deal with. Maybe one day I will be able to adopt. We'll see. I'm glad that you have come to terms in your mind about other children. I find it couragious in the fact that you are considering it but I know I would do the same if I could. Thinking of you guys daily and glad to see that all of you are doing well. We need to get together soon.

Petersen Kids said...

Although I don't know you Kajsa, I totally love you. What an inspiring blog post.
Brady is such a darling boy, and I really don't know any details (just what Jenn has told me,)but what a blessing you are to him, and he to you. You are an amazing person and mom. No wonder Troy married you. Congrats on the great news.

Jane said...

that is the best news! i was so happy to see on my blog list that you had posted, and now I'll be smiling for a few days, with you. I bet your heart feels so much lighter and open to the future. Will you guys be around for the Holidays? If so, let us know! we miss you!

dara said...

Kajsa,

I am thrilled for you, Troy, and Brady. We missed you the other day. Congratulations!!!!!
Dara

The Lay's said...

Congratulations on your fun news! We think kids are so great and such a gift. We haven't seen Brady very much, but he seems like such a sweet boy and he has definitely been blessed with amazing parents. Good luck with your future plans!

Ericka said...

Thanks for your post...I needed that inspiration today! Thanks for your perspective. Anyway, Brady is such a cute kid and even though I don't know you I admire you as a parent/mother (as well as Troy). Congrats on the news!

P.S. I just went private on my blog but if you guys are interested in an invite(and please do not feel obligated in any way) then email me at erickaw@cc.usu.edu

Ericka said...

Me again...sorry I gave you the wrong email address. It is ericka.cooper@aggiemail.usu.edu

Elisha said...

Such a sweet post, Kasja. You and Troy seem so strong and able for whatever the future holds. So happy for the good news!

Tara and Bob said...

Congrats!! This is probably the best news you may have ever heard or one of the very very best.

Isn't it true that we all must go through life with so much patience and also allow ourselves time to heal, think, learn and feel. (This is so difficult at times.)

Also, people say things and don't even think or realize how the other people feel or their situation, especially about babies.

I am so happy for you, God really does love and bless us with what we need.

shayrenee said...

What wonderful news for you all! Your story is inspiring and I plan to share it!

Christine said...

Kasja - I was so happy to read your post today. It is such a bright spot on such a bleary, rainy day. It is wonderful knowing that you have made it to such a good point in your life. I think about you guys and always hope things are going well since we don't get to see you in person. God bless, Christine

Josh's World said...

Congrats on your test results. Brady just looks terrific. I am so happy for you all.

onceapickle said...

What a great post. Thanks for sharing, Kajsa, you have no idea how much it helps me sometimes to read your posts. Thanks for your honesty and for not only being a blessing to your family, but to us readers as well.

Congratulations on the "green light". It's always nice to have answers so that you can then make an informed decision. Information really is power. If you did decide to have another one, Brady would be such a sweet big brother. :)

themacmomma said...

Well, I agree that I would feel some relief! Congrats on your green light. Brady is a beautiful boy, and only a mother with a special needs child can know her own limits and if she can take on more. But, you both have done so well at just loving your boy, how could you not! I'm sure you would be able to handle and love whoever comes your way.

tonya said...

I have been in hibernation for the past few weeks, or maybe months, so I am slowly catching up on blogs. This is such GREAT news. So happy for you guys.

I love Brady's helmet. It's so awesome. Such a stylin' kid.

EMILY said...

Sara Staker is a good friend of mine and she told me about your family. Congratulations on the good news!!! We went through that same process about 2 years ago (What a journey!) after the birth of our son Hunter and received favorable news as well. I will NEVER be able to take for granted the miracle of a normally developing child-EVER. Watching my new baby girl grow is utterly amazing. I can't wait to watch Hunter do it all someday too. Congrats again.